This week we're back to school! My baby-est baby officially started kindergarden, and my biggest lil' is somehow already in grade 3. As many of us already know, time has a way of speeding up ten fold once we become parents. This is especially true to me, after our lost year.
This morning was only the second time since our separation, a year and a half ago, that him and I have had to be in a contained space together. It was hard for me to breathe. Until that moment, I have been (mostly) relentlessly grounded. I have become well practiced in taking the uncomfortable and challenging steps, even when I feel like I cant fucking breathe. I have, for the most part, become a master at ignoring the flight in me. Breathing through it.
The kindergarden classroom, however, was possibly the most irrationally claustorphobic experience I've had, since the end of my world. We kept small talk & eye contact minimum. I reminded myself to just fucking breathe. We listened to Mrs. Kindrgarden-Teacher speak, then went our separate ways. Who knew a year could feel so short, yet 10 minutes could feel so long.
Many things have not gone my way. Anybodies way, for that matter.
So here we are, now two strangers, trying to navigate co-parenting, with a million miles of disagreements between us, trying to carry the weight of our worlds.
This school year, my partner and I will be facing a whole new array of challenges; commuting my girls 45 minutes to an from school, the balancing act of doing so with our work schedules, finances, adjusting to the everyday challenges of being a family again, all whilst trying to start a business and navigate an emotionally draining custody battle.
And somehow, balancing it all, I have never felt happier, more free, laughed so much, or been so filled with gratitude.
My mind is no longer yours to rent. This fall marks freedom.
When I was alone I prayed for strength, family, & love.
The universe gave it to me.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
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