Over the past year I've been writing in my blog about my evolution. There were quite a few posts I had left unpublished. I felt at the time that they might impact my case negatively, or that I wasn't yet comfortable sharing with the world. Maybe you'll find something of value in your own journey, through my words...
"When something is important to you, you'll do it, even if the odds are not in your favour." - Elon Musk
Nudity and a splash of colour (written April 2015):
"When something is important to you, you'll do it, even if the odds are not in your favour." - Elon Musk
Nudity and a splash of colour (written April 2015):
After so many years of two-sided trust issues, and not being on the same page as far as personal views, negotiations on the settlement of our assets has pretty much been impossible. We will bankrupt ourselve fighting for money that will no longer exsist, and for kids that really need us both.
In my old life I thought I needed all these things; a nice house full of nice things, vehicles, toys, ect, ect. You get caught up in fitting into a specific lifestyle. I was conditioned, and back then, things were everything. I literally thought it would kill me to let go. Little by little, I've had to let go of the small things; most of my personal belongings, the pictures, the pets. The big things; my home, tiny footsteps and giggles everyday, my relationship, my stay-at-home-lifestyle and expensive habits, and soon my car.
As time passes I realize more everyday how out of alignment with my true self I had been living. The more I let go, the lighter I feel. Ironically I didn't actually need any of it. Life goes on. My world didn't end. I often think of how strange hindsight is, and how funny it is to hold on to things, after you master the art of letting go.
You-know-who recently said in an argument between us that he didn't need to change, insisting that he was in the right and made some condescending remark about how he "didn't need to become some spirit animal". Whatever that means. I guess it means im transforming, and he's happy staying the same. Or I suppose that's my interpretation of his words. My youngest recently said to me, when I tried telling her that it wasn't healthy to watch TV all the time, "your not the boss of me, dads the boss of you." Atleast when we were a family, my presence created a balance between our extremes. They need us both. They need balance.
I always made it such a priority to teach our girls about health and learning to be comfortable and happy in their ever growing and changing bodies. If they wanted to roll around in the privacy of our back yard in the nude under my watch, I understood. After all, who can remember clothes when your chasing butterflies, fairies, or even dreams.
I remember being a kid and running through sprinklers then rolling in the dirt buck naked, beneath a canvass of clouds. I laughed and played and nobody ever made me feel strange or dirty about it. It was never a spectacle, it was just normal. I remember feeling free, and not needing anything but dandelions and dirt.
Now when I watch my own children, miles away on FaceTime, under the care of my polar-opposite co-parent, my heart aches, for his values which are not in alignment with my own. I hope they remember to chase butterflies, and to dream, and to believe in magic, and to find contentment in life's boundless adversities.
Parenting is not only meeting basic needs, but also nurturing growing spirits.
As I layed naked in the middle of my living room floor tonight, colouring mandellas, lost in thought, I laughed out loud, because it was the perfect metaphor for how polar opposite you-know-who and I really are.
Here's to the art of letting go;
People.
Money.
Cars.
Clothes
Expectations.
And everything in between. You'll survive. I promise.
Xoxoxo
Steph
