My Happiness Project

This past week I have had some revelations, and in the spirit of my resolutions to both literally, and figuratively 'clean out my closets' I feel it is only fitting to speak honestly about my life. I think it's easy on social media for people see you in the light you want them to, but that's a smoke screen. I think in pictures I can be perceived as beautiful, and effortless at times. Like maybe I wake up happy and motivated and I keep it all together. This is not the case. I would prefer to be honest about my struggles and let my humanity shine through. Maybe, just maybe, somebody who is struggling just like me, can pick themselves back up.

As I briefly described in previous posts, 2014 was an extremely challenging year for my family and I. We basically hit almost every speed bump a couple can hit over the course of a year. It started as marital problems. I made a choice that resulted in losing our best friends. Then, in the middle of heartache my fiance broke his leg and had to have almost 6 months off work; this added extreme emotional and financial strain to our already crumbling home life. Someone very close to me betrayed me in a very hurtful way, We found out my brother in law has stage 3 lymphoma (you can donate to help him with costs & treatment here). My dad & his love (whom the kids and I are very close to) moved away.

All of these things, one by one, slowly led me to bandaid my worries by partying. It was fun to just have some drinks with my friends and forget about the weight of my world. This had a domino effect to all other good things I had going on (like my blog, school, home life, ect, ect). I still worked out and ate clean, but was not bringing my A game anymore. I was constantly tired and feeling run-down. I started closet smoking. I drunkenly spraint my ankle. I wasted a lot of time on things part of me wishes I could take back. I feel Like I aged five years in one. I am not proud of my choices, but I knew what I was doing when I was making them. I don't have any regrets, because I think mistakes are lessons you need to grow.

All of these things lead me to seek the help of a professional, clearly I needed it. I'm OK with admitting I go to therapy because I think people who can admit they're fucked up are actually less fucked up than those who think they are 'fine'. We all have problems. I had always toyed with the idea of seeing one, but always procrastinated because a) it's not cheap b) it's intimidating to open yourself up to a stranger, and c) i'm actually extremely claustrophobic of new experiences that involve me being in a new situation in a small space. I put my fears aside and found the first session oddly comfortable. I left feeling like a weight had been lifted. I still go to sessions every week, so I've been learning a lot about myself, and life.

There is one thing about my personality that is a blessing and a curse; I am extremely obsessive about anything I do. I usually only have one close friend at a time because I can't divide my deep commitment to one thing or person. When I am exercising im all in. I just go hard at everything. I've always been naturally self-motivated because of my obsessive nature.

This year i'm going hard at getting my life back, and finding myself, and these are the things I decided were really important:

Clean out my closets
Get rid of stuff I don't need (inside, and out)
Stop nurturing the negative, per-sue positive
No drinking.
No Smoking
Be Happy
Let it go (let it goooo, can't hold me back anymoreeeee;)

I feel when you have clutter in your space, it's really hard to clear your mind. So the first thing I knew I had to do was gut my house. I have literally been selling my clothes, and taking carloads of stuff to the dumpster everyday. Obsessive Steph actually spent like 12 consecutive hours clearing out my kitchen in itself. Every time I get rid of stuff I feel lighter. I know the emptier my space becomes, the less stuff i'll be cleaning up, the more time I have. The more time I have, the more time I can devote to the things that I want to accomplish. The more I accomplish, the happier I'll be. Being happy is all that really matters.

I discussed my feelings about getting rid of stuff, and clearing my space, and making room for my soul searching yesterday at counselling. Then, oddly enough,  last night when I was cleaning out my computer (preparing it's contents to be put onto an external hard drive), I found a piece I had written a few years ago which I had forgotten about. I found it so strange that I discovered it yesterday (of all days) because of it's current relevance.

Here it is:

"I want white walls, big open spaces, and empty shelves. The shelves could wait for something. There could be endless possibilities, of the something that could belong, without ever feeling the desire to be filled. Overwhealmed by an urgent need to disconnect from everything I have known until now; more, more, more, more, more, more. It all meant nothing. I realized life is an oxymoron; less is more. I feel heavy. Heavy with everything. All this shit cluttering everything; my shelves, my home, my relationship, my mind, my soul.  A giant mess of life. All these things I had 'wanted' meant nothing.

Alot of friends in my life are really just people I cling to to feel accepted. They reassure my judgements and opinions on other people, and things that don't really matter. I need them, they need me too. Hours have been spent discussing the whose-doing-what-with-who, and who has what and the blah, blah, blahs of a typical modern day friendship. Real friends today are rare, I realized. I wondered who would be there for me if I had 'nothing'. Always I could hear their muffled voices, bubbling to the surface of my thoughts. Blup, Blup, Blup. Too much talking, not enough feeling. Long conversations, little meaning.  Where is the love? Afterall, a fish must stay with it's school.  Nobody was forcing me, but I cling to this lifestyle,  swishin', and wishin'; wishing for the 'bigger' and 'better'. Everyday I feel more and more like a fish out of water, gasping and flopping. Suffocating.  It swelled inside me, taunted me.           

Years I have spent trying to fill a void, I hadn't even realized exsisted until now. This was a void of real feeling, real love, real being. The real me. So much of my precious time has been spent trying to figure out all the kinks in my lifestyle. Trying to figure out how to get the nicest, cleanest, biggest house. How to make the most money. How to have the most friends. Quantity has reigned superior over quality in my life, so much, that somewhere along the way, I lost the quality of my being. I forgot who I am, and what I want, following the currents of expectation.  For a long time, I've felt empty, floating around aimlessly, without realizing the origin of this emptiness. I've been filling this void of feeling, with STUFF. I've shopped, shopped, shopped. You know that old saying, 'Shop until you drop', we're all doing it you know. We're all fish, and the bowl is almost empty."

Anyways, I don't know why I felt compelled to share any of that, but I did:)  Food for thought.

-Stephxoxoxo

PS: Today is day 27 of not drinking, and the only social event i've attended in that time, I happily stayed sober for. I am loving having my energy back so much, that what started out as a 30 day challenge might evolve into a long term commitment. <3

Recipe Alert- Coconut Crusted Chicken Strips

Yesterday was day 16 of The Whole 30 for me. Loving it and feeling fabulous, and totally inspired. Ever since hooking up my instagram again, and following the @paleopartridge, my meal creativity has seriously spiked. His recent IG posts had got me craving baked brussel sprouts (which BTW, are so much better than boiled or steamed!). I was also craving chicken, and since I have one extremely picky eating 3-year old, I decided to turn it into strips, with a side of Paleo Honey Mustard ('cuz my kids NEED to dip). I used franks, naturally. <3

Coconut Crusted Chicken Strips
Serves 4

Ingredients:

4, 4 oz boneless, skinless, chicken breasts.
2 eggs
1/2 cup coconut flour
1 cup flaked coconut (unsweetened)
dash of sea salt
a few cracks of ground pepper

4 tbs paleo mayo (if you want to get serious, you can find a recipe here)
1 tbs of paleo approved mustard (I used a djon containing mustard seed, vinegar, and spices)
1 tbs honey

Method:

Preheat oven to 400C. Cut chicken breasts lengthwise down the middle so they are strips. Whisk the eggs in a small bowl, set aside. In another bowl, measure out the coconut flour, set aside. And again, in another bowl, measure out the flaked coconut. Dip each chicken strip with tongs, one by one in the egg wash, so that its well coated (let excess egg drip off), then roll in the coconut flour, then back into the egg wash, and then lastly into the flaked coconut, then place on an oven sheet (I used one that had a grease trap on the bottom, though i'm not sure if this was necessary since they didn't have a lot of excess grease). Once all the strips are prepared, bake in the preheated oven for 25 minutes (don't flip).

While the chicken strips are cooking prepare the honey mustard by mixing the 3 ingredients in a small bowl with a whisk. BOOM.

This was seriously, so quick and efficient to make, and the kids loved it, Summer actually finished her dinner which is super rare in our house.

And a big thank you to PaleoLeap for the inspiration.

-Steph
xoxoxo

Paleo Pineapple Poppyseed Muffins (eg: Puffins)

Paleo Pinapple Poppyseed Muffins

Yesterday I felt like baking, so I conducted a lemon-poppyseed-muffin-paleo-style-experiment. Don't ask my why, but I had the sudden need to make poppyseed  somethin'. I technically can't eat these because baked goods even if are made with whole 30-approved ingredients aren't actually approved on the whole 30 program. This includes (but is not limited to) muffins; they call it "Sex With Your Pants On" foods (eg: SWYPO). Anyways, part of the reason I created these was to play with the idea of using fruit in place of a natural sweetener (like honey or maple syrup). So I knew my poppyseed muffins had to have pineapple.

Paleo Pineapple Poppyseed Muffins (eg: Puffins)
98 cal per serving (1 muffin), 5.2 g fat, 14.4 g carbs, and 0.5 g protein


Ingredients:
1/2 cup coconut flour
1 cup tapioca flour
1 tsp baking soda
dash of Himalayan salt (or sea salt)
1 cup pineapple chunks (fresh or canned, but do drain first)
1/4 cup melted coconut oil
3 eggs
1 lemon (both the zest, and the juice)
2 tbs poppyseeds

Method:

Preheat oven to 350C. Line 12 med. sized cupcake tins with parchment muffin liners (I find these the best when baking paleo/gluten free to prevent any chance of sticking). In a small bowl, sift coconut flour, tapioca flour, baking soda, and salt; set aside. In a metal bowl, melt coconut oil, once melted mix in eggs, lemon juice, and zest. In a blender or food processor, mix the pineapple chunks with the melted oil/egg mixture until frothy consistency, Fold into flour mixture with the poppyseeds and then divide into muffin cups (about a 1/4 cup per tin) Bake for 25-30 minutes. Let cool completely before eating. I actually thought the texture was much better after being refrigerated overnight.

My 3 year old daughter LOVED them, I spread a tiny bit of honey on top and she seriously ate all of them in a 24 hour period, which I was not expecting.

-Steph
xoxoxo

The Whole 30: Recipe Alert 3

Good morning! Monday Fun Day;) Today remember it is all about your attitude. Get up, refocus on your goals, and put a smile on. Totally cheesy, I know, but sometimes in life you gotta fake it 'till you make it. I have been struggling myself. I've been coming to terms with choices I made over the past year that kept my goals unreachable. Sometimes it's easy to get so caught up in feeling sorry for yourself and your mistakes rather than just picking yourself the **** up, dusting yourself off, and starting over. It's so very cliche, but so very true; it dosent matter how many times you fail, as long as you keep trying. 

This weekend I spent a lot of time with my family, teaching my daughter to skate, and organizing my house, but I did manage to get in a run, 2 ab workouts, and went to my first yoga class for MANY months! It felt so good to be up and out early Saturday morning and enjoy some me time. Even though I felt tight and wobbly, I sparked a fire to begin dedicating more time to my practice again . :) 

Today is day 15 (week 2) of the Whole 30 for me! I am feeling so good I'm comsidering going 90 days! The one thing I've noticed over this weekend was that I was craving a lot of sugar. Specifically, the overwhelming and desperate urge to satisfy my out of control dark chocolate habit. This is not an exaggeration.  

Now without further adu, my revamped whole 30 curry recipe from last week. Enjoy:) 

Organic ingredients whenever possible

Serves 8

Ingredients: 

4, 4 oz chicken breasts
1.4 med. onions
1 tbs coconut oil
4 tbs coconut manna (or 1/2 cup coconut milk)

1 ginger root (2 inches)

1/4 cup of curry powder
1 tbs cumin
1/2 tbs coriander

2  cans (754 g) diced tomatoes

1 orange (juiced)

1 lime (divided) 

1.5 tbs salt

2 mangos (peeled & chopped) 

3 tbs red onion (finely chopped)

Handful of fresh cilantro chopped 

1/2 lime (juiced)

1/2 tsp salt 

dash of cayenne pepper (optional) 

Method: 

Preheat a large pot to med heat, then chop the onions. Sauté the onions and coconut oil until the onions are becoming translucent. Dice the chicken into small pieces and then add to the pot with onions, until thoroughly cooked (no longer pink inside). While chicken is cooking dice potatoes and add to the mixture with coconut manna and 1/2 cup of water (or you can substitute for 1/2 can of coconut milk. Throw in the ginger root (do not mince), curry powder, cumin, coriander, salt, & pepper, and both cans of diced tomato, orange & 1/2 of lime juice. Let simmer on low heat for 2-3 hours (or you could transfer to a slow cooker). Discard ginger root. 

Prepare Salsa: 

Peel and chop mangos, onion, & cilantro and mix with salt, pepper, & lime juice in a small bowl. 

Note: the longer the curry cooks, the more flavourful the dish will be. 

Below I've included the nutritional info per serving. 

-Steph

xoxoxo

The Whole 30: Recipe Alert 2

Baked Balsamic Chicken & Beets
with green salad tossed in Orange Dijon Vinaigrette

Ingredients:
(Organic Ingredients whenever possible)

4, 4 oz chicken breasts (approx.)
3 med. sized beets (about 4 cups peeled and chopped)
1/2 cup balsamic vinegar (divided)
1/4 cup water
1/2 tbs 'Whole 30' approved Dijon mustard
2 tbs olive oil (divided)
1 tbs oregano
1 tbs basil
1/2 tsp Himalayan salt (plus a dash for the beets and vinaigrette, optional)
1 tbs sherry wine vinegar
1 tbs red wine vinegar
1 navel orange (zested and juiced)
4 cups red leaf lettuce (washed)
1/2 a cucumber (peeled & grated)
2 tbs chopped red onion
1/4 cup crushed walnuts (optional)


Method:
Bake Time- 45 minutes
Prepare chicken in an oven safe dish. In a small bowl combine 1/4 cup balsamic, olive oil, oregano, basil, and 1/2 the orange zest (using only 1/2 the orange), and pour evenly over the chicken. Let marinate for 15 minutes. Pre-heat oven to 350C- peel and chop beets; I sliced mine into rounds, you can chop if you prefer. Toss prepared beets in 1/4 cup of balsamic and water, and a dash of salt (optional) then spread out in an oven-safe dish & place in oven. Set timer for 15 minutes, then place the marinaded chicken in oven, and bake together for an additional 30 minutes. Prepare salad: in a small bowl whisk 1/2 tbs olive oil, sherry wine vinegar, wine vinegar (or 2 tbs of one-type),1/2 of orange juice (approx 4 tbs), Dijon, and a dash of salt (optional). Toss lettuce, cucumber and onions with the vinaigrette, then slice and garnish with the remaining orange (optional). Dinner is served:)

Enjoy! Let me know what you think- find me on facebook, pinterest, or instagram! I would love to hear from you <3

xoxoxo
-Steph

Whole 30: Recipe Alert

 Cilantro Citrus lettuce wraps with Wild Sockeye

organic ingredients used whenever possible
(Serves 2)


Ingredients

1 fresh Sockeye Filet
4-6 large red leaf lettuce leafs
1/2 avocado (optional)
1/2 tbs coconut oil
1/2 while onion  (finely chopped)
1/2 red bell pepper (finely chopped)
1/2 an orange bell pepper  (finely chopped)
1 orange (squeezed for the juice)
1 lime (zested and juiced)
1tbs ground cumin
1/2 tbs ground coriander
1/2 tbs chilli powder
1/2 tsp Himalayan salt
sprinkle of cayenne (optional
cracked pepper to taste
cilantro (a handful for garnish)

Method:

Wash lettuce and put aside. Chop peppers & onions and then sautee in a small pan on med. to low heat with 1/2 tbs coconut oil (ready when onions are translucent). Turn pan off, set aside. Toss the cooked peppers and onions with the orange & lime juice, zest, cumin, coriander, chilli powder, salt, cayenne (optional), & pepper (optional). Prepare salmon filet in a baking safe dish (glass preferred). and let marinade in this mixture for 15 minutes. Preheat oven to 350C, then bake uncovered for 35-40 minutes.

I served mine cut into 'lil steaks' (marinade still thick on top), on top of lettuce leafs, with sliced avocado, garnished with cilantro. I added hot sauce to mine, also my kids had theres with rice as well, but I kept mine Whole 30 approved;) Enjoy!

xoxoxo
-Steph

Whole 30: Shopping List & Yam Chips

Today marks day 8 of the Whole 30 'diet' for me. The first week I mostly made due with what I already had on hand, and then just bought stuff as I needed throughout the week. This week I wanted to be super prepared! It was a super busy weekend, full of fun stuff, sleepovers, and I completely revamped my kitchen. My first new years resolution I'm tackling is the tornado zone I live in. De-clutter my space = de-clutter my soul. After I gutted my cupboards and refrigerator it was time to shop! Keep in mind I am shopping for a family of 4, so I did buy some things that were not whole 30 approved, which I'm not going to bother listing, and I did buy enough fruits and vegetables to feed a family for at least 1 week (the root vegetables may last longer depending how often my fiance is home)!

Shopping List:
(organic ingredients preferred, and used whenever possible)
-Gala apples (I bought 10, may need more)
-2 bunches of bananas
- 1lb bag of kiwis
-4 bags of frozen fruit (eg: raspberries, strawberries, and blueberries)
-4 lbs of carrots
-1 butternut squash
-1 acorn squash
-celery stalk
-2 lbs of bell peppers
-5 cucumbers
-2 zucchini
-broccoli
-cauliflower
-6 med. sized yams
-fresh mint, bunched
-fresh cilantro, bunched
-7 avocados
-romaine lettuce
-red leaf lettuce
-small container of spinach
-bag of lemons and limes (at least 10 total, I bagged myself)
-ginger root
-garlic
-coconut manna
-raw cashews
-sun butter
-organic butter (I buy Organic Meadows)
-6 chicken breasts
-2 wild sockeye filets
-2 rib eye steaks
-wild prawns
-4 dozen eggs
-Himalayan salt

Things I Had on Hand (found critical last week!)

-coconut flour
-hemp hearts
-hemp powder
-coconut oil
-olive oil
-balsamic vinegar
-almonds
-cacao powder

-spices (pepper, oregano, basil, cumin, curry)

This week I made 3 dozen Egg Fritattas (recipe to come) for breakfasts on the go, peeled and packed both bags of carrots, I pre-cut all the celery and cucumber for quick salad makings, cooked 3 chicken breasts for quick protein. I baked a huge tray of yams (3 decently big ones cut into cubes, that way I can weigh and measure servings as needed) great post workout fuel! During the week I drink a lot of green smoothies, eat eggs with an avocado, coconut oil-blended coffee, and salads. If I have been hungry in between meals I will munch on carrots or cucumber and cashews or sun butter. I don't often feel hungry when I am eating high fat (which is almost inevitable following a program like this)

While I was grocery shopping I started having the biggest craving for chips and salsa. so when I got home I made..

Baked Yam Chips & Guacamole preheat oven 400C


-1 med. sized yam thinly sliced
-1 tbs olive oil
-salt and pepper

Toss together and lay out on a baking sheet, bake in preheated oven for 20 minutes, flipping half way through. While the chips are cooking prepare guac

-half a ripe avocado
-1tbs fresh lime juice
-1/8 cup (small handful) of fresh cilantro (chopped)
-1 clove of garlic
-sea or Himalayan salt to taste
-pepper
-cayenne to taste

I mashed by hand with a fork, but you could use a mini food processor, voila! Serve with salsa, and garnish with cilantro (optional) Enjoy:)

xoxoxo
-Steph

Weekend Motivation

xoxoxo

-Steph

The Whole 30 is Pinteresting

Happy Friday! I have been pulling my hair out all week, for real, trying to get my Pinterest hooked up to my blogger and add all the buttons, and I finally got it working! YES!

Today was day 5 of 'The Whole 30' ; i'm super impressed with myself for not caving, especially on 'pay-day' Friday (AKA: bring on the sushi and liquor).  For once I actually woke up feeling refreshed after putting myself to bed at 9pm Thursday night; the earliest since...ever? Started my day with an awesome run, got showered and out the door in time for school, ran errands, blogged, cooked a healthy meal while I did my arm & shoulder workout, and all in the nick of time to rush out the door. I took two lil' cuties to see Paddington Bear @ the theater. SURVIVED the popcorn temptation, drank water. Like a boss.

Key points of The Whole 30 

A lot like Paleo (which I already follow probably 80% of the time, you could guess what I eat for the other 20%;). The Whole 30 is the more extreme, die hard, 30 day re boot version.

-natural unprocessed meats (grass fed preferred, no preservatives)
-wild seafood
-raw organic, steamed, or baked veggies
-high in 'good' fats (eg: avocado, olive, coconut, ghee, clarified butter)
-nuts
-seeds
-and some fruits

NO, NO, NO

-added sugar (including natural sugars like honey, maple syrup, agave, stevia, ect.)
-no alchohol
-no grains (including psuedo grains like quinoa)
-no legumes (ie: beans and peanuts)
-no carageenans, MSG, or sulphites

and last, but not least, NO stepping on the scale for the whole 30 days

This probably sounds very grim and unappealing to most, but to be honest I feel so awesome, haven't felt deprived at all. By day two I was already feeling a difference in my clothes, and attitude. I can't wait to see where the next 30 days will take me! Stay tuned for recipes, meal ideas, and inspiration!<3

Have you ever participated in this program? I would love to hear from you! :)

xoxox

-Steph

***The entire content of this Blog is based upon my own opinions, the information on this blog is not to be used

without your own research and advice of a qualified health care professional. The information is not intended as medical advice, and I will not be held liable or responsible for any injury sustained in your home, gym, or elsewhere. Please consult your health practitioner before starting any new diet, cleanse, detoxification, or exercise routine.

                                             

A year in review: Cesars, sisters, sushi, and new beginings!

I'm back! I haven't blogged in MONTHS! I took the summer to spend time with my family and we were away for a month, then when I returned I decided to look for a part-time 'real-job' to distract me from some of life's issues. I got a job as receptionist at a local hair salon. It was nice to get out of the house, but was also very taxing since I was already struggling with balance. Aside from work and play I had a very emotional year full of changes. I spent the second half of 2014 heartbroken, struggling as a family and as a person. Though I still ate healthy and exercised, my heart just wasn't in it like it once was. This led me to put my limited energy into some really negative places. Turns out the 'YOLO' (you only live once) can sometimes be a regrettable motto...

The Positive Side of 2014 (i'm human):
I learnt:

-you can't do it all
-If you party as much as possible, you will get it out of your system, eventually (and that time is now

-drinking Caesars like water may be delicious, it will take its toll on your jeans. 

-smoking only when you drink WILL turn into a habit
-if you must eat your feelings, sushi is always the answer
-muscle memory
-your friends can only listen so much
-therapy IS therapeutic
-sometimes you have to completely lose yourself to remember where to find yourself
-actions have consequences
-family is forgiving
-when people walk away, new and amazing people will walk in
-it's never too late to start over

Now that I have ended that chapter, i'm ready to make 2015 my fitness bitch. I am more excited than you can even imagine to be able and ready to put all of my effort into my goals and dreams. I have been keeping a journal of goals daily to-do's to keep myself accountable.

Goals for 2015:

-Tie up loose ends
-de-clutter my home and my mind
-stop feeding bad habits
-practice patience & gratitude
-nurture positive relationships
-teach Becca to read
-run 5 days a week (on top of my usual strength training)
-run a 20km
-go to the ocean
-the old cliche, appreciate the small things, because in the end they are the big things

...and just my favorite song right now;)

Favorite Memories of 2014:

Thank you to all my friends and family who stuck by my side this past year, I love you more than you know. <3

Stay tuned for what i've been doing to stay active and clean my body using 'The Whole 30" <3

Happy New Year!!!
xoxoxo
-Steph